Why Can't I Be More Like Schroeder?

Okay, so I've set August 15th as my second round of auditions. Got the time and location set ...

But I just can't line up a piano player!!!

Were I a better pianist, I could do it myself. But I'm trying to install confidence and a desire to be in my show in these kids (Ages 18-25 are "kids" to me.)

None of my amazing regulars are available and now I actually have to go out and find someone. Someone I may not even know! Sheesh!

Not to panic. I have almost two weeks. I'm sure I can find somebody. Being out of mainstream community theater for a few years has greatly diminished my list of contacts. I have those amazing talented folks in my "repertory", but The Poptimists is making me jump back into the wider pool of regional thespians again.

Had I taken piano lessons as a child instead of drum lessons, I probably wouldn't be in this predicament. It's hard to accompany auditionees with a snare drum -- unless they're singing a march. Likewise, my horrible high school sax playing is proving even more worthless at this particular moment in my life.

Now, I could probably plunk out my own stuff without offending too many ears, but there's no way I can sight-read the music that the singers will be bringing in. Maybe I could ask them all to sing "Heart and Soul" or the theme from Hogan's Heroes. I can play both of those without music.

Of course that would mean I'd have to write lyrics for the Hogan's Heroes theme. And that's just ridiculous.

Wait a minute ... what rhymes with "Burkhalter"? Hmmmm ...

I know my classic image of the stage composer is an evening of his music with his friends, usually on PBS on a Sunday night. You know something like An Evening with Jerry Herman or Sondheim and Friends, where everyone is in tuxedoes or evening gowns and they all stand around or lean on a piano where the smiling composer sits and accompanies them as they laugh, sing and tell stage stories.

And they usually stuff someone into the group who has never actually worked with the composer, but for some reason apparently gives the group more Broadway "weight": like Arlene Francis, Phyllis Newman, Anita Gillette or Kitty Carlisle Hart.

It's a cocktail party without the cocktails.

That's a nice dream.

Certainly I've had wonderful evenings of my music and lyrics on stage with a really talented cast, but someone else has always played the piano. And PBS was nowhere to be found.

Come to think of it, I have on occasion seen such composer specials where someone else is playing the piano ... but that's usually because the composer is acting as the narrator.

Or is dead.

[Insert cricket sounds]

So ... I'm currently into looking through old cast lists and trying to find piano-playing friends of friends of friends. And I'm waiting to hear back from one of my last current connections. I hope she can do it.

I once played Schroeder in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.

Too bad it wasn't type-casting ...

Next: Probably something dealing with yet another neurosis