Who Can Put the Coward in Noel Coward?

Sometimes I forget just how much I've written.

And I've written a TON. (Now remember: writing and selling are two very different things).

TV, film, theater, radio, websites, short stories, articles, business proposals, training videos, to-do lists.

And I have a very annoying habit of putting something away when it doesn't catch on quickly enough to suit my tastes. If it's not produced soon enough or it doesn't sell fairly quickly, I figure it's probably not good enough, and I pack it away and start the next project.

This probably stems from the fact that any productions or (few) sales or such that I've ever gotten usually came quickly and easily to me. Usually with little or no effort on my part as far as "trying" to get something produced or recognized. So when something I write doesn't catch on quickly, I file it under "writing exercise" and keep going.

I have a huge filing cabinet (and hard drive) of past works that only had a few moments in the sunlight to make good. And now they languish in darkness. (After I die, some relatives are going to really be amazed when they find this stash. "Gee, I guess he did work.")

Then, a few days ago, I read about the first Noel Coward Award being offered by a prestigious group in the New York area. (My apologies for not putting the umlat in Noel's name, but this website doesn't give you the option of odd, non-English punctuation marks)

The award will go to a person who solely writes the book, music and lyrics for musical theater. Of course the work has to be judged the best as well.

Other than Coward, I can only think of Lionel Bart (Oliver!) who wrote all three with any degree of success.

A lot of people think certain writers wrote all three, but they didn't. For years I thought Meredith Willson had written everything in The Music Man, but while Willson is solely credited for the book, the show is based on a story by Willson and Franklin Lacey, so I'm not sure if Willson would qualify for this award. (And just why the hell am I debating this here?)

But I sure as hell do! (Qualify, that is.)

Now this award is named after a writer of wit, sophistication and urbane humor. So I thought to myself: have I ever written anything of wit, sophistication and urbane humor?

Uh ... not really.

I'm a down-to-basics, get-the-laugh kind of writer. I can write stinging satire and turn out some rather inventive lyrics from time to time, but I rarely walk around in a smoking jacket and carrying a martini in one hand and a cigarette holder in the other.

So I opened that dark trunk where my past works all sit, wondering why they haven't been sent around to 100+ possible producers, story editors or artists. And I came across my last original revue: Dot You! A Musical Jab at the Last Three Years of the 20th Century.

23 songs, and a reasonably sized book for a revue. And it won a local media award as an Outstanding New Work in 2005. But it's probably the least "sophisticated" work I could imagine.

So I asked some of my original cast members if they thought I should submit it to the Coward Award ... (Wow, you really need to add "Noel" to that or it sounds like something else entirely).

The few who responded said yes. It's witty in its own way, and Coward was witty for his day.

Hey, that's good enough for me! So I'm doing a quick polish on the book and cleaning up the through-the-air audio recording of the songs.

The deadline is only four weeks away, so I should hear fairly quickly if I should happen to win. (uhhh ... e-yeah.)

And that's the way I like my victories -- quick and campaign-free.

Wish me luck. I would definitely enjoy the prestige of being the first Coward.

Well, you know what I mean.

Next: Maybe I'll get around to Auditions II